When our daughter was laid in my arms, it was the first time in my adult life that I intuitively and absolutely knew what to do. Although I studied Jane's face, it was somehow everything I'd expected, and I felt as if I'd known her forever. Staying home with her was my privilege, my honor and my joy. Almost three years later our son Alexander was born, and our first days together were more of a challenge. My son got sick as an infant, and we stayed together in the NICU. It was neither blissful nor carefree, and I needed a friend.

What I didn't want was a Mommy Friend.

I know, it's not right. We aren't supposed to say that. I didn't want a Mommy Friend or a Grandma. I wanted a friend who would challenge me, and ask me questions I didn't know the answers to. I wanted friends who did crossword puzzles and wore lipstick for no apparent reason. I didn't want to go to a nightclub, but I also couldn't bring myself to join a book club. I wanted to be back in school. I wanted an academic challenge.

When Alexander was five months old I went back to school for a Master's Degree. My Mother and my Grandmother were both Educators, and both had advanced degrees. I can't articulate all the reasons why, but getting a Masters Degree with an infant and a toddler seemed like a good plan. I took one class each term, did homework while my children slept, and seldom felt overwhelmed.

Until one day.

I don't recall the professor, but I recall the words. "Children must have actives wherein they cross the midline or they will be dyslexic." In hindsight, I can promise you that sentence was never uttered. It is simply what I heard. Though it is true that dyslexic children may have delays in activities wherein you cross the midline, it is part of a diagnostic toolbox and a delay in tricycle riding does not automatically mean that your child will be dyslexic.

The midline, the midline? What is the midline? I was flipping through books and papers and... oh my. What a panic. How could I be so selfish, leaving my children all alone one night a week so I could go fill some wacky fantasy of having a degree I never really wanted to use. My brain was working in overtime. I would watch my daughter's arms as she ran, silently nodding to myself, yes, she was swinging her arms opposite her legs, yes, she was into a new phase of physiological development. My panic ended as abruptly as it had begun. Still I looked at my children differently.

Rather than reading the baby books as my son entered his second year, I read the masters. Dewey's words about play being the work of children resonated with me. I allowed my son to become my daughter's plaything. She was the mommy and he was the baby. We found out that he wasn't fragile, I was. The more I knew, the less I worried.

My children were allowed to play with computers and watch television from very early ages. My husband works in television, and I am admittedly, a tech junkie. It never seemed like the enemy to us. Screens showed off our crafts.

Language came late for my daughter. We fretted about her speech delay and invested many hours and dollars in speech therapy. When Jane didn't have multisyllabic words at the "right" moment in time all I could think was Oh My Goodness it's because I let her watch TEEEEE VEEEEE. Well, that theory was shot down quickly when my son spoke at a ridiculously early age. My son had loads more screen time than my daughter had ever experienced, he was my second. I tried to find more ways to blame myself, because really that's what good mothers do. I tried to find studies that would explain my daughter's speech delay, but they simply did not exist. Some things just happen.

Good mothers try and figure out what mistakes we've made, and then we attempt to correct them. Good mothers don't neglect their children, but good mothers need a moment to catch their breath. Good mothers need adult interaction and diverse voices.

I never felt like I became an expert in education, though a slip of paper says I am. I did leave Pepperdine University with a degree in education, but I feel like I became expert in parenting. I found out that we're all parenting on a continum, that kids develop in different manners.